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Theory of Crossfit Relativity

August 19th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments
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First off, for my readers who don’t do Crossfit, 98% of this post will make no sense to you. Crossfitters and the brave non-Crossfitters, read on…

Aside from being a genius, many people often bring up the fact that Albert Einstein was a major proponent of Crossfit. Of course, in the finest tradition of what passes for journalism in 2010, “many people” means me. But rest assured, I have it on good authority (me again) that all of my facts are sound.

“Let the bodies hit the floor.” – Albert Einstein

The most notable of of Einstein’s accomplishments achieved during Crossfit (aside from his sub-2 minute Fran time – the man was an animal) was his Theory of Crossfit Relativity. From what I’ve uncovered in my Einstein/Crossfit research, the theory was developed during a workout much like the one we had today at CFNH:

4 minute AMRAP
3 Cleans, 115/75
6 CTB Pull ups

rest 3 minutes

4 minute AMRAP
3 SDHP, 115/75
6 Burpees

rest 5 minutes

4 minutes to get a max OHS

Einsetin noted that during the AMRAP phase four minutes appeared to slow down, lasting approximately ten minutes. Yet during the rest period, time was accelerated – three minutes actually lasted about one minute and five minutes around two and one half. The most intriguing finding was in the final part of the workout. His previous findings would seem to indicate the last four minutes would be, if not ten minutes long, at least substantially longer than the actual four minutes. Instead, time once again sped up. The final round of work was a subjective two minutes long.

After making a substantial sweat angel on the floor for one minute (ten minutes in real-time), he crawled over to his journal and wrote down the start of what would be his most famous equation: “E=mcowww” Or, in layman’s terms, “Energy equals mass times the speed of light raised to the power of how much I hate AMRAPs.”

Then, being a true Crossfitter and Man of Science, Einstein puked.

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